and miles to go before I sleep

Two words....

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 04:19:44 GMT

NaNoWriMo '08.

December is for sleeping.

A new World.

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 03:13:23 GMT

And oh, you're suddenly a stranger
There's no explaining where you stand
And you didn't know
that you sometimes have to go
round an unexpected bend
And the road will end
In a new world....
____________________________________________________
Sorry it has been a long time all. I have lost touch with candy and jewelsybear and anyone else who has a chance at reading this.

I am transferring. The decision wasn't an easy one, but I am beginning to feel it was right. It has been a hellish mountain of paperwork and phone calls and stress and tears. But now the sun is peeking through and I am excited about a new start. Super excited.

Who am I kidding? I am terrified. I don't know a soul on campus except my ex boyfriend. I am living with three people I have never met on a campus I have seen like three times.

But I needed a new start. It was physically getting hard to be there... there was something evil there, of that I am certain. I got out while I had a soul left. I know that sounds incredibly emo, but it is what it is.

People keep asking me why I transferred. Some assume it was PK, which isn't true. I mean, this past semester with her was hell, in no small part due to the fact that she was finishing her doctorate. And then some people think I am running from my depression, which also isn't true, though I did come to the realization that I cannot live like that anymore, or I will die like that. Some think it was a social thing... that I was having trouble with my friends or that I couldn't find myself a non-gay boy to settle down with. It is true, but again, no reason to transfer.

My exit survey asked me if it was because of the meal plan. Do people actually transfer because of meal plans? WTF?

But no. I remember looking at conservatories for grad school to see their requirements. I remember thinking that BV was never going to prepare me for a lot of the things on that list. It certainly wouldn't get me into Oberlin. So in the end, at least a large part of it was for the right reasons. But the meal plan does suck, for the record.

I want to sing opera. Is that so hard? I just want to sing and sing until I can't hear any of the reasons I tell myself I can't do it.

Conductoroni!

Sat, 08 Dec 2007 04:16:37 GMT

Twas the night before the conducting final and all through the house
Ashley and Kendra were practicing like some crazed, freaky mouse
the ictus could be clearer, the cues just weren't there
but both of the conductors were too crazy to care.

With K at the dorms and Ash at the Tack
They had just settled down for a long conducting snack
Lucky students were nestled all snug in their beds.
Kendra and Ashley sort of wanted to smash in their heads.

When from the computer there rose such a clatter
The baton sprang from its plane, following the snare drum's patter
Hitting a beat pattern it flew like a flash,
Slapping that ictus, cuing a crash.

And what to my glazed over eyes should appear?
But some girl in their dorms with really greasy hair
She was not pretty, nor lively, nor quick
In fact, her intelligence was like that of a brick.

"That looks really hard!" her annoying voice claimed
If looks could kill, the girl would be maimed
Boo Mozart! Boo Copeland! Boo Haydn! Boo Bach!
Boo Holsinger! Boo Steve Tyler (a legend of Rock)

* * *
The day of the test, though feared, it had come
At this point both were just glad to be done.
There Jerry sat, looking calm and smug
It made the testers want to hire a thug.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! His tests, how scary!
His cheeks were all pasty, his complexion like dairy!
He looked as if he had smoked some blow,
Before he had driven the miles in the snow.

An adjust of his glasses and a nod of his head,
I really really really wished I was dead;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Starting the music with an obnoxious smirk.

They conducted with valor! They conducted with hate.
For this test would really determine their fate.
But the music went on and the baton flew on beat.
By the end of the test, they felt pretty sweet.

We sprang through the doors, arm feeling really sore
Thinking of mistakes, we may even have swore.
The semester was over, the test out of sight.
The conductors gave a bow then “Fuck you, Goodnight!”

lovable icons

Sun, 30 Sep 2007 19:56:14 GMT

wtf?

Wed, 19 Sep 2007 19:18:50 GMT

So either my entire F-list has turned against me, or they have lives, scry either way. Shape up.

At any rate, conducting went much better today. I might actually PASS the test. I have to practice everything but the exercises. the exercises went suprisingly well today.

I am debating about NaNoWriMo this year... I have a much busier schedule and more demanding, but i really want to write a better novel.

HATE

Mon, 17 Sep 2007 19:15:38 GMT

i fucking hate my life i hate being retarded i hate having the motor skills of an 8 year old i hate my life i hate my body i hate my lack of sanity I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE

Sex noises heard round the world

Fri, 14 Sep 2007 22:00:28 GMT

Okay so, in English, sex noises may go something like this:

Oh God, oh yeah, give it to me! Oh goddddddd!

So question:

In other countries, is it customary to shout out the name of their God when having sex? Like "Oh Krishna" or something like that?

I am honestly curious about it.

THree Words

Mon, 21 May 2007 12:56:02 GMT

Piano Proficiency. 8:30.

Luffingly stolen from Jeva

Wed, 09 May 2007 17:35:02 GMT

A - Available: unfortunately...
A - Age: 19
A - Annoyance: People who think i'm joking when I tell them my phobia

B - Best Friend: Kendra
B - Beer: never
B - Birthday: Dec22

C - Crush: soda cans on my head
C - Car: Buick!
C - Candy: is my swell friend!

D - Day or night: Nighttime sharpens, heightens each sensation
D - Dream Car: Volkswagon
D - Dog or cat: Kitty! Ember!

E - Easiest person to talk to: Counselor
E - Eggs: Shaken, not stirred
E - Email: I like it!

F - Favorite Month: January
F - Favorite color: Black
F - Favorite Memory: Making all-state the 1st time... you always remember your first...

G - Gummy Bears or Worms: wormies!
G - Gay or Straight: Heterosexual, hate the term straight
G - Giver or taker: giver

H - Hair Color: Brown
H - Height: 5' uhhhh.... 5?
H - Happy: Happy Joy Joy

I - Ice Cream: Peppermint!
I - Instrument: Contrabass Clarinet and Piano, both poorly
I - Idol: Kristen Chenoweth

J - Jewelry: In a yellow toolbox
J - Job: I had one of those once
J - Jail: we had a scare, but have never been in the slammer

K - Kids: NIMU--- NOT IN MY UTERUS!
K - Kickboxing or karate: I'll just submit, k?
K - Kindergarten: Mrs. Vigoret

L - Longest Car Ride: Busride. To. Texas.
L - Longest relationship: 2 years, on and off
L - Last Kiss: ... 2 years ago...

M - Milk Flavor: Strawberry!
M - Most missed person: Charlie
M - Movie Last Watched: Hahaha, Spice World

N - Number of Siblings:2 bros, 1 sis
N - Number of Tattoos: no.
N - Name: Ashley

O - One Wish: To be the stuff of the fairlytales
O - One Fear: Being forgotten
O - One Regret: Lies I've told

P - Pet Peeves: People who dress in clothing that is clearly too small for them... or when people with DDs try to go braless. COVER UP YOUR SAGGY COW TITS!!!
P - Part of your body you like best: My boobies. Which are in a bra.
P - Part of your personality: Humor

Q - Quote: "If they give you lined paper, write the other way." -William carlos Williams
Q - Quiet or Loud: Both and Neither
Q - Quick or Slow: That is a dumb question

R - Reason to smile: I have lovely breasts and the song "My Girlfriend who lives in Canada"
R - Reasons to cry: Piano Proficiency
R - Reasons to live: The hope that I will not be a failure someday

S - Song Last Heard: I speak Six Languages from 25th annual putnam county spelling bee
S - Season: Spring
S - Shoe: Heels! Cute ones!

T - Time you woke: too f*ing early
T - Time Now: 12:30
T - Time for bed: 2 am

U - Unpredictable: Very
U - Undecided: Whether I will make it through 4 years of the poofy haired one
U - Unknown fact: I have two moles on my butt that touch when I clench

V - Vegetable you hate: Sodexho ones
V - Vegetable you love: Water Chestnuts
V - Vacation spot: NYC

W- Worst Habits: Cybersexxing
W- Where are you going to travel next: to the bathroom
W- Weather right now: I don't know. I'm a mole person

X - X-Rays: Never
X - X-Rated Porn: Bring on the men!
X - X-Rated memories: I saw a penis once. My vagina got scared.

Y - Year you were born: 1987
Y - Year it is now: 2007
Y - Yellow: The sun!

Z - Zoo Animal: Sharks. I like to taunt them
Z - Zodiac Sign: Cappy!
Z - Zoolander: Huh?

And now I know my ABCs
Next time won't you sing with me~

KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLEEEEEERRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tue, 01 May 2007 15:33:46 GMT

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHgood morning! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

ear.... training.....

Keeler's top 10 rules for being a good ear training teacher:

*Introduce all new material by putting it on the test. Teach new material three minutes before said test.
*Play chords for a split second so that the ear cannot register anything
*Test students over the very same thing week after week so that if they dont understand one concept, they never will. and they are screwed
*Go at length to make students feel retarded even though you just couldn't hear them when they responded with a correct answer.
*Offer retakes at 8:00 on a Thursday morning and fail to show up. This makes students nice and well rested.
*Baby students who cannot sing a major triad.
*Explain to students that this is a tough skill, and that you arent even able to do it. Good luck!
*Discuss student progress in front of other students.
*Play chords in the most out of tune ranges of the piano. Because this is where all the chords you hear in real life actually occur.
*Sport a poofy hairstyle. THis way when you tip your head in a "I didn't hear you but I don't even know that I didn't hear you" fashion, students will at the very least be able to find humor in the madness.

urgent message to candy chan!

Fri, 27 Apr 2007 00:36:54 GMT

I so made you a new icon. You will love me!!!!

me singing!

Tue, 03 Apr 2007 22:16:20 GMT

Die Junge Nonne
http://www.supload.com/sound_confirm.php?get=84648829.wma

Sexy Sexy Habanera
http://www.supload.com/sound_confirm.php?get=1203102020.wma

Mon, 05 Mar 2007 05:05:33 GMT

View Poll: Ticky?

Every night I say a prayer in the hopes that there's a heaven.

Sat, 03 Feb 2007 22:24:02 GMT

something happened. Something I couldn't forsee in this time or place. It just came in an unexpected form.

Contrary to popular belief, I do believe in God. I am not Agnostic. I am not Atheist. I question the validity of the Bible as the SOLE source of belief, but I do not question the existance of God. God has indeed helped me and I like God a lot in general.

But... I have always felt this divide between God and His forgiveness. I flippantly say "I'm going to Hell" or make a lengthy mental tally of reasons I cannot be in heaven. We laugh about it. My friends and I look forward to being chums in hell. "All the cool kids are doing it"

So, in one such conversation with a someone I had just met, I was asked a startling question.

"Is that really what you believe?"

Do I really believe I am going to Hell? yes. Yes I do.

someone cares about my soul and what happens after I die. Not that I'm saying he is the first ever who does, but he is the first to have called me on my spiritual status. What reason has he to care about me? I mean, I have always looked at my Christian friends as wanting to "save" me because it would give them heaven points. But flat out he believes in the eyes of heaven, his place is assured. He has no reason, no ulterior motive for wanting me or anyone in heaven. He simply wants more people to enjoy the light. Perhaps this is how my friends felt all that time and I just was not ready to hear it.

The thing is, I know God grants forgiveness to those who seek it. But though I know these things, I have never felt that I deserved forgiveness or heaven. I mean, so many people make every effort to live their lives the way God wants them to live it. I do not. I am selfish. I am dirty. I am mistrustful. I pass judgment. Why should I be granted the same forgiveness as those who live their lives in ways that please God? That is nowhere near fair.

But The answer came. It's perfectly fair. No one deserves it. Everyone gets it.

Give me the strength and the courage to believe that I'll get there someday.

who are you and what have you done with jerry?!?!?!?!!

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 16:56:41 GMT

heard in band yesterday, my first day as a contra player:

(scales scales warmups jerry cuts us off)

Jerry: damn girl! I can actually hear you
me thinking: (oh no, ialways play too loud please don't make fun of meeee in front of the band)
Jerry: i haven't heard a contra player in 8 years.
Me: I told you i sucked at the regular clarinet, you didn't believe me!

(goes on with warmups...)

eeevilll

Sun, 28 Jan 2007 19:08:30 GMT

someone is moving into jewelsy's room. so wrong...

tagged by candy and jeva

Thu, 25 Jan 2007 16:23:31 GMT

Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 10 weird habits/things/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names. No tag backs.

10 Weirdnesses

1) When I listen to a piece of music for the 3rd time, my head automatically converts it to showchoir format.

2) I used to be allergic to cherries, but I grew out of the allergy long ago. I like cherries a lot, but still only eat them if they are on top of a sundae or banana split.

3) I hate my toes.

4) Sometimes if I have had a really bad day, I will go up in the practice rooms and just scream. Sometimes I just scream to scream, other times I scream what I would yell at someone I'm mad at if they were there.

5) I say CLaude instead of God. Like: "Good Claude your hair is hideous." So now you know where candy got it from.

6) My keys hang from the springs of the bed above me (they're bunked, I have bottom) and in the morning I like to play with them.

7) A drag queen played with my breasts once.

8) I secretly fear that I will be alone now that candy chan and jewelsybear are gone...

9) I pretend I don't need love because I fear I will never have it.

10) I have 3 fears. 1) Spiders. 2) Being forgotten when I die/leaving no legacy.. 3) Paper. More specifically getting a papercut on my eyes. THis is a tough fear because everyone thinks I'm kidding and decides to wave paper in my face seconds after telling them. It isn't f*ing funny. I started hyperventilating once my sophomore year because these 3 guys were being dickfaces to me in study hall and were attacking me with paper. I understand that it sounds funny and I can laugh about it when it isn't an immediate danger.

I'm not going to tag anyone because no one reads my journal anyway.

and on the eighth day. claude created the Chicago bears

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 16:44:24 GMT

We are da bears' shufflin crew
shufflin' on down, doin' it for you
we're so bad we know we're good
blowin' your mind like we knew we would
you know we're just struttin for fun
struttin our stuff in front of everyone
We're not here to start no trouble
we're just here to do THE SUPERBOWL SHUFFLE!

THe monsters of midway
under wise coach lovie
gonna bring it to da ~~saints~~
make their eyes all puffy
oh gumbo's gonna cry
there may even be a scuffle
cuz mah bears are gonna do
THE SUPERBOWL SHUFFLE!

Da bears? THat's hot!

UPDATE!!! 9:0 bears!
UPDATE!!! Touchdown Bears! 16:0

OMG joyness!

Thu, 18 Jan 2007 17:11:24 GMT

I pass piano!

She decided to change my grade to a C!

I pass!

She called me into her office and I sat down and she started talking about what she is going to do differently next semester as far as grading goes. Then she tells me she is changing my grade to a C so I can take 2nd semester piano!

Yesss!

Thu, 18 Jan 2007 16:05:28 GMT

1. Who was your first prom date?
Mike Liebbe... Oh gosh...

2. Who was your first roommate?
Anna (same as jewels!)

3. What alcoholic beverage did you first drink?
I had peppermint schnapps once

4. What was your first job?
Detasseling

5. What was your first car?
Champagne buick park avenue 96

6. When did you go to your first funeral?
I dont remember

7. Who was your first love?
David Earll

8. Who was your first grade teacher?
Mrs Oraweic

9. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane?
New York City 2 weeks ago!

10. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with?
Never have

11. Who was your first best friend and are you still friends with them?
Kathryn and we talk like once a year

12. Where was your first sleepover?
Don't remember, probably at Wendy's or Jessicas

13. Will this be the first time you ever went to GoofyAuctions.com?
yes..

14. Whose wedding were you in the first time?
cousin Gloria. I was the flower girl

16. What was the first concert you ever went to?
Weird Al Yankovic

17. First tattoo or piercing?
ears: wehn I was like 5

18. First celebrity crush?
Jonathan Taylor Thomas

19. First crush?
Michael Fernandez when I was in Kindergarten

20. First time you smoked a cigarette?
Never

My day

Fri, 22 Dec 2006 15:57:26 GMT

I woke up and there were some icky cartoons on... I dont know how the hell that channel got on our TV. Anyway, so I got up, saw the messages on my facebook wall, checked my voicemail which had a scat version of happy birthday performed by aaron also telling me he'd be stopping by after school... I should get dressed then, perhaps... Then decided to wrap presents while watching the producers.

All day received calls from family and friends.

Mom got home at 1:30. SHe made me a pink cake that completely tastes pink. Dad got home around 3:30. Opened presents around 4:30.

The list:

An awesome travel guide book to NYC (given that I am travelling there in just a few days :D) from cousin Kim

A great compilation of Dr. Seuss from my big sister, Liz.

Starbucks hot cocoa (in a really super awesome tin!) and a gift card to staples from my cousin Gloria.

BEST FOR LAST!!!
A new digital camera and all the trimmings from the parents AND they got me the lil photo printer for it. Suh weet! Kodak easyshare 8 megapixel 5x zoom. It has a gajillion settings. It even has a specific setting for closeups of flowers, which I love because I actually take those frequently. I need to figure out the best setting for theatre. This will rock in NYC.

FINALS

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 21:59:25 GMT

~~Monday~~
-~~German Final~~

~~Tuesday~~
-8:00 ~~Warm up with Deanna~~
-8:30 ~~Jury (Voice)~~
-10:15 ~~Music Theory Final (AKA Bertrand Brutality)~~
-1:00 ~~Jury (Piano)~~
-2:45 ~~First Year Seminar Presentation~~

Wednesday
-NO FINALS

Thursday
-10:15 Psychology Final
-Go home

Friday
-Sleep at home... a lot.

So basically, if I can get through tomorrow, I am fine.

I now pray...

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 13:42:03 GMT

I now pray to the piano gods for Candy chan in her piano proficiency.

Bring on the men!!!!!

Fri, 08 Dec 2006 20:08:13 GMT

Play cast was posted. I get to play one of the extras. I am super excited because the extras get to be dominatrices, nuns, and townspeople.

DOMINATRIXES AND NUNS!!!! yesssssssss!!!

Meme!!! this was fun

Sun, 03 Dec 2006 03:30:27 GMT

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc.)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie about the songs (they can be funny if you just leave them)

1. What's my mood like right now?
"A Moment like this” Kelly clarkson

2. How's tomorrow going to be for me?
"Fool on the hill” beatles

3. What kind of person am I?
“The steam train” Songs for a new world

4. Am I loved?
"I’m not that Girl” from Wicked… Awww shit

5. How can I achieve my highest potential?
"You can be as loud the hell you want when you’re making love" Avenue Q
Oh God….

6. What should I do with my life?
"Hey Baby” SOS pep band

7. Is everything really going to be alright in the end?
We both reached for the Gun” Chicago

8. What is my best quality?
Inscription of Hope

9. How does my social life look?
October: Eric Whitacre

10. What's the meaning of life?
River don’t flow

11. What do people think of me?
“Gethsemane” (I only want to say)

12. Would I make a good lover?
“Once upon a dream” lol

13. How crazy am I?
"Take Me as I am” Jekyll and hyde

14. Will I have a good life in general?
“Wannabe” Spice girls

15. Can (insert name here) ever really love me?
"Tears to SHed" The Corpse Bride
Guess not…

16. Can me and (insert name here) ever be more than friends?
“Only Hope” Switchfoot

17. What's going to happen to me this week?
“Lacrymosa” Evanescence

18. Where will I be a year from now?
"As long as you’re mine” wicked

19. What is my fondest wish?
“Grateful” Hezakiah Walker

20. What is the love of my life doing at this very moment?
"I’m the only gay Eskimo” Tenacious D
Oh y God… if you only knew. The last 4 guys I have pursued were gay!

21. How did my parents meet?
“Bother” Stone SOur

22. How will I die?
“Murder, Murder” Jekyll and hyde
Okay, that was weird

23. What song will be played at my funeral?
"Sweet Sacrifice” Evanescence

24. What will happen after I die?
“When David Heard” Eric WHitacre

25. What will I dream about tonight?
"Soul Bossa Nova” Austin Powers theme

26. What should I be working on right now?
“When you’ve got it, flaunt it” the producers

27. What's my roommate currently doing?
"Apache”
I didn’t ask who…

28. What did I do last weekend?
“Silver rain fell” Maybe…

29. Describe me.
"Hellfire” Hunchback of Notre Dame
hahahhahahahahahaha

30. What does my music player think of me?
"Stars and the moon” songs for a new world
awwwwww…..